Code: sex
by Fucking Dick Sucker
Summary: Summer is approaching! Xana wants to buy a home to relax for the summer. On the way he meets chuck Norris and they both buy a house and team up to launch the ultimate plan against the lyoko warriors! will Xana win?
1. prolouge: xana's new plan

_**Disclaimer: *sex moans*pissing sounds*puke movements…bah bah I don't own code lyoko moonscope does. I don't own sex either god does now then * pukes… Oh god where did I put that Justin Bieber wig I had it five minutes ago. Oh right I don't claim ownership for using the characters. Basically I don't own sex, or the characters but I do own the Justin bieber wig I lost. "Are we going to finish or not" "shut up ho I am writing a disclaimer" Now to the story. *holds penis "I am a fire truck"**_

It was a bright sunny day. It was near the end of the warm month of April. Summer is approaching. Xana has decided to buy a house to relax for a summer, to reflect the whole school year of failures to take over the world. Xana has managed to get a shit load of gold from merchant Sam the world's first pimp.

**Flashback scene 1 first ho sale**

Merchant Sam was the world's poorest merchant. Try as he might he just couldn't get people to buy his items.

"The price is too high fag."

"This soda crap is warm fag."

"This fortune teller says in the future blacks will be able to run for leadership. Your shit is fucking whack fag."

"Every time I turn on this music box it plays a terrible song"

The angry customer activated the music box and it began to play the Barney theme song.

"See Sam you need to put your shit together now."

The angry customer left Sam alone to his thoughts. Sam has not been to make a sale in years. He and his family only survived due to the fact Sam lived near a farm and with his ninja like skills is able to kill a few cows, pigs, chickens for food, without his neighbor knowing. This worked well but soon Sam's wife Mary got tired and nagged Sam to get a move on in business. They continued arguing all the way out. Sam then lost his temper and began smacking his wife.

"God damn it Mary! Shut your fucking mouth up you fucking shit head fuck up fag who fucks shit from their fucking shitty ass." Sam yelled furiously to his wife.

His wife starting to scream with tears flowing out of her face. She then jumped on Sam. Mary was one of the prettiest girls in the whole kingdom. Seeing his wife on him gave Sam an idea. What men wanted most was sex from a hot girl and he Sam would sell them to men and become rich.

Sam then realized Mary was still on him. Decided to stop fighting and do what his wife told him to do.

"Okay Mary I will get my shit together. Now let's go home". Yelled Sam happily.

"Fine but I hope you know what you're doing." Said Mary in a serious tone of voice.

"Mary relax I figured out the one thing men want more than anything. We will be fine."

On the way home Sam knew his wife wouldn't be in support of his plan so he had to do something drastic.

When they got home. Mary who was very tired from the fight got to bed. Sam on the other hand walked into the living to find his son holding a wooden object in the shape of a small dick.

"What do you got there son?" asked Sam

"Something I made for fuckers who can't get a girl and want to have sex. I was thinking of calling it a dildo. It's basically a sex toy. After testing I can say it works well. It's almost exactly like the real thing." Said Sam's son.

"Nice one." Said Sam

"Did you and mom have another fight?" asked Sam's Son.

"Yeah but no worries I told her I have a plan. Only problem I didn't tell her what it was and I don't think she'll like it."

"What is it?"

"I was thing of selling women to have sex with men. It's good because sex is the thing men want most."

"Great idea."

"Well since there are only so many women maybe I can sell your dildo to make even more money."

"An even better idea."

"Yes but what about you mother chances are she won't be in support of this plan. I am afraid I am going have to kill her. I must or she'll get in the way of our wealth."

"Well make sure not to trace it to you."

Knowing what he must do Sam grabbed his trusty ninja knife he stole from merlin and the magical crown of burger king to disguise himself. He snuck into his bed room. Mary was still fast asleep. Sam then decided to do it quickly. He put the knife on Mary's throat. Mary woke from the force of the knife on her.

"Sex was honesty the only good part." Sam said happily

"Then you have wasted a lot." Said Mary.

"Fuck you! You always got in my way." Said Sam angrily.

Sam filled with rage cut Mary's head off. It was done. Sam was now free. Now he can continue with his plan.

**Meanwhile**

Xana after learning about sex realized he wants to be the first person to have had it from a ho. He then managed to mess with the return of the past option to send him and only him to take him to where the first hos and pimps were formed. He had arrived three weeks after Sam murdered his wife Mary. Him and his son joined together and created the world's first strip club. He and his son were the richest merchants who ever existed. Over the three weeks they came up with the pimping terms pimp, ho, Mack daddy, etc. Xana has arrived in front of the grand opening of the strip club and managed to possess King Arthur the third who was going to try the hos first.

"Sam bring me your best ho" said xana as King Arthur the third evilly

Sam brought out the world's best ho. Xana got excited and got ready.

"Time for the red rocket" said the ho

"Red rocket indeed." Said Xana as King Arthur the third.

The ho followed Xana into the strip club.

*sex noises*moans*puke noises

**Three hours later **

"Sam that was awesome." Said Xana

"Here your cut."

"Sweet" said Xana

Xana didn't expect on getting paid this was going to be awesome. Xana removed himself from King Arthur the third and sent himself back to the present.

**End flashback**

He had gold but Xana didn't know he would have to convert it to dollars. But he figured if there was trouble he would handle it.

**Xana POV**

I know my knowledge of you pussy humans is limited. But you still shouldn't mess with me. After learning I'm supposed to convert the gold Sam gave me to dollars I became so angry I ripped a random person's testicles out and insert it up their fucking ass. The person then shove his hand up his ass and pulled them out then put them back where they magically healed.

"Chuck Norris" I asked

The man nodded.

"I am a huge fan." I said

"Yes being a mother fucking bad ass is something worth being famous for." He said

"What is a fellow bad ass like you doing out here there are other places that are more worthy of your presence" I said

"I could say the same thing about you. I figured you would be busy trying to take over the world." He said

"Since it's getting warmer I decided to buy a house to enjoy the summer in a few months. Even bad asses like us should relax in the summer." I said

Chuck raised a check from the government for having sex with Michael Jackson's mom.

"I see it's true great minds think alike. Here let's put our money together, buy a mansion, and share it. It will be a big four story mansion with a hot tub the size of merchant Sam's strip club." He said.

"A sexy hot tub. This could work as my next plan against the lyoko warriors." I said with excitement.

Chuck and I went to the bank. We were pissed at the long line so we each took turns raping people and pulling their spinal cords out to get ahead quickly.

"So how was sex with Michael Jackson's mom?" I asked

"Amazing. She is an insanely hot. I can't believe she gave birth to that shit head. She even told me as a dying wish to kill Michael." He said.

The banker scared shitless and was more in a rush when we got to him he already had enough cash to trade in my gold and chuck's check.

"Well chuck we make a great team. We should have done this a long time ago." I said

"Yes. But now we should make up for lost time." Said chuck.

I followed chuck to the mansion he talked about. The seller was over by the sign. I swore I saw him somewhere before. He was carrying propane and moving fire wood.

**Meanwhile**

**Jeremy POV**

I was on my lap top to see if the tower scan was acting buggy.

"It's fine! I can't believe Xana hasn't launched an attack in months he must be up to something big." I said.

"Jeremy relax we got it." Odd said

"Well we should still be on our guard Odd." I said.

"Relax I've seen every Terminator movie so I know every trick Xana can pull." Odd said

"Yet you can't even find a supplementary or a commentary angle." I said

"Hey! It's harder than it looks." Odd said.

"And who had nightmares of pi till he was seven." Ulrich said

"If I had half a mind I would-

"If you had half a mind you would know how to find conterminal angles." Ulrich said.

"This also will be on the quiz today which you haven't studied for." I said

"Time to enter a faith worse than death." Said odd

The bell rang for math class. We entered and sat down. I sat down away from odd so he wouldn't cheat!

**Odd POV**

I hate math. Math class is a faith worse than death. We are having a quiz today maybe it won't be bad. Oh who am I kidding I am so going to fail. Why did Jeremy have to sit away from me? Now my only hope is Xana launches an attack. But I doubt that will happen. Let's see the quiz

_Name __

_Name the least positive conterminal angle of 460 degrees __

_Now find the reference angle of the conterminal angle __

_Find the commentary angle of the reference angle __

_Find the supplementary angle of the reference angle __

_If you're odd and didn't study then just write I don't know because I am a tiny little idiot who can't even handle hearing about pie before wetting his pants and shouldn't bother trying to pass. See you in summer school Odd. Oh by the way pi._

Conterminal angles, reference angles, what question five is a joke. Pi! No not pie! I felt my pants getting wet.

"No anything but pi!" I yelled as I left the door.

I didn't know where I was going but I knew I was never coming back! I ran across the hall till I met Jim the evil gym teacher.

"Why aren't you in class?" He yelled angrily

"Why are you a moron?" I said with a laugh.

"Why are your pants wet!" he yelled angrily again

"Why are you fat?" I said with a laugh.

Oops I seemed to have gone too far because Jim started to raise his knuckles at me.

"For your information I'm big bone. But just because I'm big doesn't mean I can't kick your ass." He yelled angrily.

He put his knuckles around my throat. I had no choice but to kick him as hard as I could in his testicles. He fell to the ground moaning with extreme pain.

"When I get up. Your ass is mine." He yelled angrily.

"Why do you want mine your ass is so big there's plenty for you?" I said laughing.

Maybe today isn't so bad. Sure I failed the quiz ran out the class like a pussy but I did get to kick Jim in the testicles. Man do I feel good!

**Chuck POV**

It felt good to unite with a fellow bad ass like myself. Xana seems like the kind of guy no pussy wants to mess with. I know we are going to have a great friendship on our hands. We have made it to the mansion about to purchase it. Now the mansion has a hot tub that allows a bad ass like me and xana to steal memories from pussys. All we have to do is get aelita in the hot tub and we will be able to steal the keys to lyoko and take over the world. But the juicy part is Xana is allowing me to kill the rest of the lyoko warriors. Now to make that deal. Xana and I walked to the seller hidden behind a large tree.

"Good day! We are here to buy this mansion." I said.

The seller emerged from the large tree and revealed himself. He was Hank Hill.

"I tell you what nothing is better for this house than propane." Said Hank Hill.

"Look can we just buy the mansion?" said Xana.

"Sure! You're in luck someone else tried to buy before you but luckily for you guys he changed his mind and instead he bought over 9000 propane tanks to fuel his house." Said Hank Hill.

"Who?" asked both me and Xana.

"He said his name is hades." Said Hank Hill laughing as though it was a joke name, "Kids these days and their fake joke names."

Wow if hades was going to buy this place then who knew what other bad asses could be here?

"You know these kids today ain't right and I thought my son was bad." Said Hank Hill looking disgusted.

He held up a short contract with a long black pen.

"Sign here and give me the money." He said.

Xana and I signed and handed Hank the money.

"Nice doing business now I better get ready to see hades it's about time." Said Hank looking confused, "He said to just say Hank Hill to see hades about propane and-

A doorway appeared in front of Hank Hill.

"What the hell." Said Hank looking shocked.

"Go in." I said

Hank still looking confused entered and he with the doorway disappeared.

"Well might as well prepare for the plan." Said Xana.

"Yes let's." I said sounding excited.

Maybe more of our fellow bad asses will join us. Maybe Xana will win for once in his life. But I knew no matter what I would kill all the lyoko warriors no matter what.

"Now that we are settled I am going to launch another attack." Xana said.

"Okay but why." I asked

"Because Jeremy the brains might be wondering my absence and is fearing something big from me." Said Xana.

Xana opened a closet which was filled with dildos.

"This will make a great attack." Xana said looking impressed.

Xana plan might scare the children but it seems a bit weird. But he does seem to know what he is doing. Xana walked me through the rest of the plan and it seemed weird but weird enough to work!

**Jeremy POV**

Today was a weird day. Xana has been absent for months and odd for some reason wet his pants and ran out in the middle of a math quiz. But the worst part was he said he met Jim and ended kicking him in his testicles. Odd got lucky and only ended up with a detention with Jim. Jim seems to be scared of odd now. Although when away he can be seen swearing to get back at him.

"Odd how could you attack Jim for." I asked.

"Because he's a fat old man with a large stinky ass. Not even a dildo would touch that ass." He said

"Odd you're really lucky it could have been worst." Said yumi.

"Yeah I could have died from being around that ass." Said odd laughing.

I decided to ignore him and continue to figure out what Xana is up to. The tower scans are working perfectly so he must be up to something big. I decided to continue tomorrow at midnight after a huge theory involving the return to the past function. I may not know what Xana is up too but I know it can't be good.

_***PUTS COKE ON NOSE SNIFFS… OH RIGHT WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW I GUESS… ER… SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND REMEMBER THE CODE IS SEX…WAIT AM I STILL SNIFFI-*PASSES OUT**_


	2. Chapter 1: partnerships and Rivalries

_**Disclaimer: *sex moans*pissing sounds*puke movements…bah bah I don't own code lyoko moonscope does. I don't own sex either god does now then * pukes… Oh god where did I put that Justin Bieber wig I had it five minutes ago. Oh right I don't claim ownership for using the characters. Basically I don't own sex, or the characters but I do own the Justin bieber wig I lost. "Are we going to finish or not" "shut up ho I am writing a disclaimer" Now to the story. *holds penis "I am a fire truck"**_

**Jeremy POV dream**

Aelita and I are on our first dream date. We are at a random burger place. We are having fun on our first dream date.

"Jeremy are you sure we should continue this what if Xana finds out and attacks us." Aelita said with a look of fear and horror on her face.

I didn't know what to do or say. A part of me wanted to slap her for being a scared little bitch. Another wanted to hold her and tell her everything's going to be okay.

"Relax if Xana is up to something the tower scan will pick it up." I said finally.

"I suppose your right." She said but she still had the look of fear on her face.

I looked out the window and I saw Jim the gym teacher holding a giant hammer. What was Jim doing with a giant hammer? I looked back at aelita and she also saw Jim holding the hammer.

"Should we check what's he up to." Aelita said with an even more serious look of horror.

"Yes, we should." I said in a serious tone of voice.

I pulled out my first pimp wallet my dad bought me and pulled out an over 9000! Dollar bill. We left and saw what Jim was up too. He was-

"It's time for you to pay for making me act like a pussy." Said Jim in an angry dangerous tone of voice.

"It's time for you to stop being such a fat ass." Odd said with a laugh.

"I had enough of you." Said Jim with his face turning a violent shade of red.

Jim raised the hammer in the air and smacked it as hard as he could on Odd's head. Odd was out could with the worst bloody nose I have ever seen!

"Who's the pussy now punk." Said Jim with an evil smile on his face.

"Who's the fat ass now." Said Odd with a surprising smile on his face.

Jim raised the hammer again but this time aimed for Odd's testicles.

"Nooooo! Now how am I going to have children that are perfect just like me?" Odd said with a tear in his eyes.

"You are fucking crazy if you think you are perfect." Said Jim, "Now we are even now get out of my way."

Jim left with the hammer still in his hands. Odd was still on the floor and for some reason I thought he deserved what Jim gave him. I know he is my friend and is in need but I don't want to help him.

"Jeremy we better help him he's-

Xana has appeared and grabbed Aelita.

"Your time is mine aelita now to steal your memories." Xana said with a smile on his face.

"You need to be on lyoko to do it idiot." I said

"Not anymore now I can do it here on earth so now your pesky little tower scan won't alert you anymore." Xana said with an evil laugh.

"You won't get away-

"Oh yes I will. Chuck now!" Xana said with an even bigger laugh.

Chuck Norris appeared and he put his hands around me.

"Get off of me." I yelled.

Chuck Norris grabbed an old bear bottle broke it in half and then a fiery aura appeared around the broken bear bottle and took the shape of a small penis. Chuck Smack it on my head and I was dead!

**Dream over still Jeremy POV**

"Aaaaaah." I said as I woke up with a look of horror on my face.

It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. No matter how many times I told myself this I didn't feel any better. I decided to go now to breakfast and maybe I will forget about that horrible dream.

**Hank Hill POV**

I am in a weird place! It feels like a different dimension! It was a huge place filled with fire. There were houses made of fire with rock walls since rocks aren't flammable. There were propane grills in every front and back yard. It felt like I was in my dream world. Propane everywhere and no evil charcoal anywhere to be seen.

"Welcome Hill Hill to your dream place." Said a voice I recognized.

"Hades so you gods are real then." I said looking both shocked and impressed.

"Yes mortal. Now since you are the only known human who likes propane like us, we have decided to start a partnership with you."

"What are the details of the partnership." I asked with the same look of shocked and impressment.

Hades pulled out a contract. And I read it looking both happy and impressed.

_This contract states that Hank Hill will help fuel Hades kingdom with his unlimited supply of propane and help hades stop Xana from taken over the world. In exchange Hank Hill will be able to live in the kingdom, a world that shares his view of propane._

_If Xana manages to take over the world this contract is node and void. Meaning Hank will have to live in a world where propane isn't that popular. Sing on the line below. Have a nice life_

The contract looked and seems fair.

"Okay hades we have a deal." I said while signing the contract with a Strickland propane pen I stole.

"Good." Said hades with a smile on his face.

"The only question I have is how I am going to help you stop Xana when he is one of the world's most powerful bad asses." I said with a worried look on my face.

"You're a bad ass yourself Hank Hill." Said hades with a serious look.

"What are you talk-

"Remember when megalow mart exploded and you survived. You survived because you are nearly invincible." Hades said with the same serious look.

"How did my niece survived." I asked with a look of disbelief.

"She survived because you were with her. You shielded her from the blast." Said hades with an even more serious look on his face.

"Okay I believe you." I said with a serious look of my own.

"Good now first remember the words I told you! They will allow you to enter and leave my kingdom at will." Said hades "Now first get some propane tanks and take them to my castle over there to help give us more power." Said hades pointing at a huge stone castle with no fiery aura.

I left the kingdom and as I returned to the real world I knew I was going have to do the impossible but it was worth it to be able to live in that kingdom.

**Odd POV**

Ever since I kicked Jim in his testicles I felt like the most bad ass kid in school. Everyone was scared of me. I even got a new nickname "kicks". Now I am the big man in campus. Life is sweet here.

"Give me your lunch money." I said to a small 5th grader.

"No please not my lunch money. You can have my dad's dildo." Said the now scared 5th grader who just wet his pants.

"Well I do want to practice sex okay deal." I said.

I took the dido and put it in my pants so I could practice all day. The bell rang for science class but I am skipping today. I hate science. Not as much as math but I still hate it. Besides Xana always launches his attacks during science class so I figured it would be better to skip. Then I saw a poster saying what the science lesson is going to be.

_Today's science lesson will be sex ed. Since that new law was passed we no longer require parent's permission. If you find sex Ed gross than fuck you! You have to learn it anyway. So nah-nah-nah-boo-boo on you. Those who want to learn more feel free to bring a dido to learn exactly how it works._

_Sincerely the fucking douchbag._

Fucking douchebag? Who's that? Eh… who cares? Maybe I won't skip science after all. Man it's a good thing I took that dido from that kid. I walked into the science class and saw a picture of a naked chick. Sweet. I sat next to Ulrich who also had a smile on his face.

"Best lesson ever right Odd." He said.

"Yeah and I took this dido from a 5th grader." I said.

"Sweet." He said.

The lesson started off boring but got real exciting we learned the best sex moves to use on. We also learned that it's best to get drunk when we do it or we'll have to relive the boring parts in our minds. Luckily the beer doesn't make you forget the awesome parts. We all left the lesson laughing our asses off.

"Now your ass is mine." Yelled an angry voice from behind me.

I looked and saw Jim walking towards me with an angry serious look on his face.

"Your ass is big enough so you don't need mine." I said with a laugh.

Jim started to run towards me and when he got to me he lifted me up in the air.

"Any final worlds." He said.

"Yeah feel the wrath of my dick." I said while grabbing the dido.

It was hard but I managed to reached Jim's big stinky ass and shove the dido up it.

"Aahhhhhhhh." Yelled Jim in extreme pain.

I managed to escape while he was still screaming. Man Jim needs anger management or one day his anger is going to get him killed.

"You won't get away with it." Jim yelled as I walked to my dorm.

"Yeah yeah calm down shithead." I yelled back at him.

Man I defeated Jim twice I really am bad ass. Now if I can fight Xana I think I will win!

**Xana POV**

The partnership Chuck and I have is going to have extreme rivalries I know it. But Chuck and I will be able to pull off our plans. Now it's time to launch the attack. I activated a tower in the ice sector because sex gives you all an icy feeling in more ways than one. Right? Well anyway the dildos became alive and now I have my army of sex toys.

"Go and attack the town." I said to my army.

Well my POV section is short oh well maybe next time it will be longer ummm. See you.

**Jeremy POV**

I took a look at the tower scan and it picked up an activated tower at the ice sector. It's time to see What Xana has been up to. I called the gang to meet up at the factory. At the factory I saw a couple of walking dildos. They saw me and started running at me. I didn't know what to do. When they got to me they got into my pants.

"Get off." I yelled.

They started moving around in my pants I was starting to feel very uncomfortable. I hope the others get here soon because I don't know how long I can last.

"Jeremy." The others yelled. "Dildos are taking over the town."

"I Know." I yelled while pulling the two dildos from my pants that fell asleep during the sex.

I tossed the now sleeping dildos and-

"Jeremy!" I heard the others yelled.

I awaken! Maybe the sex made me faint. I feel weak. Is making people weak xana's plan. It must be part of a bigger circle. We must deactivate the tower. With the other's help I made it to the super computer and saw xana on the screen waiting for me.

"Ah I see! The two dildos here got you exactly as plan." He said.

"What plan?" I said.

'To make you to week to use the super computer. I know aelita can use it to send herself and the others but she can't activate return to the past while on lyoko or can she de-virtualize anyone." Said xana with a laugh. "So if you go I am given an extended opportunity to get the keys. All I have to do is kill the others and aelita is mine. Check mate."

"Damn it." I said with extreme anger "You won't win Xana."

"I am afraid I will." He said with another laugh. "It's your choice go or stay and leave the dildos to make everyone week allowing me to rule the world anyway."

Xana left. I can't believe it this could be the end. I didn't know what to do. I tried to enter a code on the super computer but every time I tried I would pass out. This could be the end. I can't risk aelita like that because…

Why did I pass out again? Okay I can't risk aelita because I lo-

"Jeremy what do we do." Asked aelita with a frown.

"I don't know. We can't surrender you so we just have to live with it." I said.

"Man I was wrong as usual we don't got it." Odd said with a frown.

"Jeremy if we stay does this mean we have to fight Xana in person here on earth." Ulrich asked.

"Yes it seems so." I said. "We must figure out what Xana is up to and stop it."

The group formed our usual partnership against Xana. We know we will never give up till he is defeated. I don't know how we are going to defeat him but we will.

**Peggy Hill's POV**

I am Peggy Hill! I am the smartest person I know. I am a substitute teacher so I am an expert with kids. I am mother of Bobby Hill a sweet, innocent, smart, boy who I love very much. The only person I lobe more than Bobby is my husband hank hill. Hank sells propane and he is assistant manager so he must be good. Lately my husband has taken an interest in selling summer mansions. He has made sales to many weird sales. The weirdest to some poor fool named hades. He swore he was the Greek god and came from a world where propane is the best thing there is. That made Hank interested but he knew it was a joke.

"Peggy dear I have great news." Said Hank

"What hank honey." I asked

"It turns out hades is real. I went to his propane world and started a partnership with him. I must stop another bad ass like him from taking over the world. He also told me I am a bad ass too! I am nearly invincible." He said with a smile.

"Hank honey you must have had a long day. You aren't normally like this." I said in a serious tone of voice.

"Peggy it's true. I mean it." He said.

I reached for the frying pan and closed my eyes because I couldn't bear to see me hit Hank with It. He was out cold.

"Hank." I sobbed.

I took him to a mental hospital to see what could be the problem. After many tests the doctor said he seems normal so his case isn't that serious.

"But if you feel it could become really serious we can keep a closer eye on him. Track his behavior." He said in a serious voice.

"Yes, shall we start this partnership to prevent Hank from getting in trouble? I said.

The doctor pulled out a form.

_Order to keep an eye on patient Hank Hill and keep an eye on his mental behavior. The following doctors have permission to seize Hank Hill and send him to care. I f problems arrived they also have the power to knock him out and legally my say good night crazy guy. What a stupid law huh. Anyway this contract is void if hank is deemed perfectly normal. Sign here __

I signed the contract and got ready to leave when I heard a noise in Hank's room. It couldn't be. We checked the room and Hank was gone! How did he escape?

**Hank's POV**

My wife thinks I'm crazy and she formed a partnership to stop me. Fine! Bring it on. Luckily I managed to sneak a few propane tanks in my ass. I pulled them out as I walked to the castle hades showed me. The castle was bigger than the biggest mansion in ever sold. At the front there was a sign.

Propane fuel system. Insert a tank to turn into power.

I inserted a few tanks and saw to my amazement as they turn into electric balls of energy and set the castle on fire.

"Well done, Hank Hill." Hades said who just came up from behind me. "Now I know about your wife and the fool mental hospital. No worries they are just another minor obstacle. Now we are going to teach you a few moves to help you stop Xana and Chuck."

"Good." I said.

"Hank Hill this is only just the beginning I feel many partnerships in this war of world domination, but I feel we will be the ones who will be victorious." Hades said with a laugh.

"Imagine a world where propane is the dominant heat and fuel source." I said.

"Exactly. Propane in every yard. Schools being required to have half hour propane lessons. There is no limited to the power of propane." Hades said with an even bigger laugh.

"And my family thought loving propane was crazy. If only they could see me now." I said.

"Oh but soon they will and you will prove to them and even the charcoal lover how wrong they were." Hades said with his biggest laugh yet.

This is a dream come true. To think I would be the one to make propane the most popular thing on the planet. I can't wait to get started!

**Jeremy POV**

Sorry I can't stay for long I am busy figuring a way to be able to fight Xana here on earth. But know this we won't rest till he is defeated for good. Now then there is research and programming to be done. Bye.

**Third person POV**

Well back to third person! Intense huh? Well you know what has happened many partnerships and rivalries have been started. Who will win? Now while Jeremy is working on his plans let me tell you who will win. The winner will be-

"No spoilers sucker."

"Fine." I said.

"In fact"

Someone has tried to shoot me. That idiot failed to realize I am not a character in this story so he can't shoot me. So nah-nah-nah-boo-boo on him.

_***PUTS COKE ON NOSE SNIFFS… OH RIGHT WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW I GUESS… ER… SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND REMEMBER THE CODE IS SEX…WAIT AM I STILL SNIFFI-*PASSES OUT**_


	3. Chapter 2: the fallen warrior

_**Disclaimer: *sex moans*pissing sounds*puke movements…bah bah I don't own code lyoko moonscope does. I don't own sex either god does now then * pukes… Oh god where did I put that Justin Bieber wig I had it five minutes ago. Oh right I don't claim ownership for using the characters. Basically I don't own sex, or the characters but I do own the Justin bieber wig I lost. "Are we going to finish or not" "shut up ho I am writing a disclaimer" Now to the story. *holds penis "I am a fire truck"**_

_**Third Person Pov**_

_Our teams have been formed. In this corner the super computer program that became completely evil with the world's most popular bad ass and god, Xana and Chuck Norris. In the other corner our Main characters the lyoko warriors. In the other universe as I am typing us is a god(hades) with newly discovered bad ass Hank Hill. In the final corner is Hank's own wife Peggy with a psychologist. The team's goals are as follows the lyoko warriors want to stop xana and save the world. Xana and Chuck want to take over the world and get free booze and maybe that cool new clown porn DVD where the clown manages to fit his big dick in the female clown's big "truck" if you know what I mean. Hank and hades want to stop xana but take over the world themselves and turn it into the perfect world for propane. Peggy and the psychologist just want to help Hank in his mental illness. Only one can be victorious who shall it be? Now let's continue with the awesome story._

_**Jeremy Pov**_

I still can't program anything on the supercomputer! Xana's attack on me is still active! Damn it to fuck. I don't know what to do. If only there was a way to fight Xana without the supercomputer. There have been many attacks around campus. These dildos are the worst thing imaginable! I can't think of anything worse than them. The bell rang for math class. Maybe Odd will run out again and wet his pants like an idiot. But there was no test today so who knows. I took a seat next to odd in case he needs my notes.

"Today class. We will be starting our lesson on imaginary numbers."

"How can numbers be imaginary?" Odd asked trying to hold back a laugh, "That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."

"Well, I know you don't care so tell me why I should explain it to you if you don't."

"Well…Er...,"Odd said with a defeated look on his face.

"Well since you don't deny it. I guess you better leave. Oh by the way PI."

"Noooooooooooooooooo!" Yelled Odd who just wet his pants again, "Anything but pi!"

Odd got up and left the classroom with tears in his eyes. I know Odd is my friend but I enjoyed that seen and hopes it happens every day. Now how do I stop Xana without using the super computer? Xana has trapped me in a clever trap. Will I be able to get out?

**Odd POV**

I am not a pussy! I swear it. Now I know what you are thinking I must be the world's biggest pussy since I ran out just because the teacher said pi. But to tell you the truth I just hate the number pi. The only good pi is the food! Seriously I mean it. I am really a bad ass. I kicked Jim's ass for God's sake. Speaking of Jim I saw one of Xana's dildos trying to get him but the dildo took one look of Jim's nasty ass and actually ran away from it. I was right! Not even a dildo would get near that ass. Jim has spotted me and what's worst he grabbed the dildo that tried to run away from him.

"Payback bitch." He said with a laugh.

"Noooo!." I yelled.

It was no use Jim has shoved that dildo up my ass and instead of fainting like Jeremy I was paralyzed from the head down.

"Hahaha." Jim said with an evil smile on his face. "Maybe Now Life here will be peaceful."

This was the worst day of my life! Jim has managed to defeat me! I could do nothing while he carried me to the infirmary with an evil smile and laugh. One day Jim will have to die and I hope to be the one that kills him!

**Xana Pov**

I am working on a sign to get people to know their new ruler. But don't let this trick you into thinking I am finished. I still have a long way to go before I can rule the world. Now take a look at the sign.

_Obey The world's new leader Xana and life will be perfect. Disobey the world's new leader Xana and life will be a nightmare. You fuckers have three days to decide. Now make up your fucking minds already!_

Like I said it's a work in progress. Now let's see how my dildos are doing!

_Master Xana, We the dildos have managed to paralyzed one of the lyoko warriors shall we send Chuck to the scene and help fulfill a part of the deal already._

Perfect with one of the lyoko warriors out of the way. It will be easier to conquer the earth. Nothing could be better than this.

"Xana can I please kill the fallen lyoko warrior." Chuck asked who just appeared into the front door.

"Yes of course but no witnesses." I said seriously.

"Of course." Chuck said with an evil laugh.

"Everything is going exactly as planned." I said "You see I secretly took over Jim and I had him act even more horrible to Odd than usual, to get Odd to kick him in the testicles, so when I paralyzed him he would think it was Jim doing it for revenge so he doesn't get suspicious."

"Whoa unbelievable Xana." Chuck said who was nearly speechless.

"Yes, you see I have thought of this plan for months and have thought of everything." I said with a smirk. "The lyoko warriors won't get out of this one."

"Now it's time for me to fulfill my part." Chuck said while leaving.

Surprised that I was controlling Jim! Good! Now wait and see for my plan has just started.

**Jeremy POV**

Odd has been paralyzed by one of Xana's dildos. I can't feel sorry for him. I think he deserves it but he is supposed to be my friend so I guess I will figure out a way to unfreeze him. But I won't like it. The rest decided to visit him while I get started on weapons and armor we are going to use to fight Xana. We made a get-well card. By us I mean the rest. It's pointless he has been paralyzed he won't be able to read it! But they did it regardless.

_Get well soon Odd! We will free you and together we will stop Xana. We will stop his dildo army and stop his evil plan for world domination. Together we will become victorious. We will do everything we can to free you including getting you laid. JK. No but seriously we will free you. With love your friends._

See! Pointless! Now I know Odd is in danger but to be honest I won't really try to free him now that in think about it. I am sick of his ego. I am sick of him acting like the big man around here. I am sure the rest of us will be able to stop Xana and maybe Odd will learn his lesson in the meantime. Now I didn't feel like joining the others. I am sure they understand I am too busy! Besides if I don't get busy the rest of us could end up in the same faith right. Besides aelita started crying over Odd and I don't want to see tears in her eyes. I just don't! I for some reason have trouble doing it. I think it's because I lo-

"Jeremy!" Aelita said with tears in her eyes.

I looked away quickly. I couldn't look at her. I just can't.

"I know you're busy but still you should still visit Odd." She said sobbing.

"Well… Okay." I said thinking that if I refused she would cry even more and I clearly don't want that!

I walked with aelita to the infirmary! I joined the others they were grouped around Odd. They got up and left so I could have a moment alone with Odd.

"Oh Odd you foolish foolish boy." I said trying to sound extremely sad but failed.

I couldn't stand to see him like this. He deserves it but I for some reason couldn't look at him for too long. Maybe the effects are temporary! Maybe Odd will learn nothing. Maybe Odd will hopefully learn something from all this. But I know I won't like him as a friend until he changed. I also couldn't believe Aelita was getting upset like this! I mean I think I lo-

"Visiting hours is over."

I decided to leave and continue with my thoughts later. Man Xana new plan is very impressive! I am honesty scared! I left and went back to my dorm to finish the weapons.

**Chuck POV**

I can't believe it! I am finally going to kill a lyoko warrior! I can't wait. I walked all the way to where the pussy is and made sure no one was around. I grabbed him and grabbed my trusty beer bottle out and smashed it against the foot of the bed. It broke open and a fire appeared taking the shape of a small penis I smacked it against the head of the pussy! He was unanalyzed for a minute.

"I am free-"

The pussy suddenly died and fell on to the bed. My work here is done. Time to return to Xana but before I could another lyoko warrior appeared. A pink haired girl with tears in her eyes.

"Oh my God you killed him." She yelled sobbing.

I recognized her! She is the One Xana needs to take over the world. That means I can't kill her. But I can knock her out. I took my beer bottle with a penis shaped fire and tapped her legs instead of her head. She was out cold without another word. Xana won't be happy! I got spotted but at least one look warrior is done for. I returned quickly to Xana with orders to ignore the rest for now. Well I guess Xana wants them to try and stop him! I can understand that! Well I entered the mansion and saw Xana smiling.

"Good work." He said smirking. "Now one down. Meaning they will try to work harder. The armor and weapons Jeremy is working on will be no match for us. Now we will rest and let them build up a defense and later squash it in their ignorant faces those fuckers."

"Yes. But I have feet someone stronger than them who is going to try to stop us." I said.

"Yes I felt it too a fellow bad ass." He said still smirking. "But I'm not scared it's two bad asses against one. Now let's celebrate this victory."

I know we are going to win! We must stay strong and brave! We will rule the world and everything will work out for us! I can't wait for it to happen.

**Jeremy POV**

Odd has been killed! Aelita has seen the person who killed him. She said he looked like Chuck Norris. That reminded me of my nightmare the other day. It can't be. I mean seriously I had a nightmare where Chuck Norris killed me and now aelita claims someone who looks like him killed Odd. Also why didn't this person kill Aelita! Why did he just knock her out? It's getting weird over here! I have finished my armor and weapons. These should protect us from the dildos so we can stop the attack and maybe I will figure a way to kill Xana and Chuck themselves. We have lost one warrior but we must move on!

**Third person POV**

This chapter will be shorter than the previous! Sorry but nah-nah-nah boo-boo on you. I know you're mad but deal with it! Don't act like a total bitch. Also if you hate me killing Odd! Good! Give me hate! I feed on hate for breakfast! Now if you excused me fuckers I am late for work. I want a fucking doughnut and a fucking coffee but I never have time to get any. Fuck you and see you later after I am done getting laid.

I have decided to fill the next 5 pages with fuck. Okay here goes. Nah Just kidding.

_***PUTS COKE ON NOSE SNIFFS… OH RIGHT WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW I GUESS… ER… SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND REMEMBER THE CODE IS SEX…WAIT AM I STILL SNIFFI-*PASSES OUT**_


	4. Chapter 3: training

_**Disclaimer**:** *sex moans*pissing sounds*puke movements…bah bah I don't own code lyoko moonscope does. I don't own sex either god does now then * pukes… Oh god where did I put that Justin Bieber wig I had it five minutes ago. Oh right I don't claim ownership for using the characters. Basically I don't own sex, or the characters but I do own the Justin bieber wig I lost. "Are we going to finish or not" "shut up ho I am writing a disclaimer" Now to the story. *holds penis "I am a fire truck"**_

**Third person POV**

Well here is the real chapter guys. No more fucking douchebag i promise! He is gone for good. Now Chapter three. Training time! Watch Hank and the lyoko warriors train to be able to fight Xana and Chuck Norris. Now to-

"You think you can kill me that easily." said the fucking douchebag holding his testicles.

"Damn it bitch." I yelled ready to kill him for good.

"I like stupidity will never die. There will always be hatred and abuse and douchbags in the world and you have to accept it bitch! There is nothing you can do about it! I will never die i am immortal! Haha now cookies." the douchbag said with an evil smile on his face!

"Cookies! Cookies!" i said

"Yes! Yes! Cookies are always the answer now i am in control." said the douchbag laughing.

I held up the bible!

"No no you found my weakness." said the douche with a scared look on his face.

"This will kill you but i must also give up my cookie monster side. tough decision but i must do what i must do." I said with an evil smile and laugh.

I took the bible and the fucking douche and tore the bible in half and shove up both of our asses!

"No!" Yelled the fucking douche!

"Yes!" I yelled laughing.

It was over for now! I may have given up my cookie monster side but i also got rid of the most horrible person on earth. I kick ass even without my awesome cookie monster form! Now to the real story!

**Hank Hill POV**

Finally i get a pov! Where was i in the last chapter! I need to show up more often! Anyway i am now training to become stronger! I am already nearly invincible so my defense is high! I just need to work on my offense!

"Hank Hill this is the propane punch attack! Just punch while saying propane and your punches will be explosive!" said hades

"Cool!" I said

I said propane while punching a stone wall! The wall exploded into a million pieces!

"You are ready." said hades."Go and test your power on earth."

I did as i was told. I decided to go back home and prove to Peggy my powers are actually real! As i walked into the door two strong guards grabbed my shoulders and was holding me up in the air. They took me into the living room where there was the psychologist i met earlier.

"Ah you're home." he said

He took out a bible and walked to me.

"This will be over in a minute." he told me.

I filled with rage punched the guards they were dead in few seconds.

"Holy crap!." said the psychologist.

"This will be over in a minute." i said laughing while punching the psychologist.

He was dead! Then i heard crying from the kitchen. Peggy has entered the kitchen!

"Oh Hank." she said crying.

"Damn it bitch." i yelled in pure anger.

I punched Peggy but instead of dying she was simply unconscious. How?!

"She survived because you didn't mean to punch her! You have to mean it Hank Hill." Hades explained after i told him what happened!

Maybe i will punch Peggy and mean it! Maybe i will win and turn earth into the perfect propane paradise! Maybe i will lose and end up getting killed. Maybe i will marry propane and live happily ever after. But it won't be easy!

**Xana Pov**

My sex senses are tingling! No but seriously i sense something powerful! It could only be another bad ass! I can sense it growing stronger! This bad ass will be stronger than all the lyoko warriors combined! But i am not scared i can handle it! Now i will worry about that later now to continue with my clever plan to get rid of the lyoko warriors.

"Xana i have the body of the fallen lyoko warrior with me." said Chuck holding Odd's dead body.

"Good but it on the shelf as a trophy." I said laughing!

"Why can't i kill the rest of the lyoko warriors at once." Chuck asked.

"Think about it Chuck! If you do. We will get noticed and if you do millions of policemen will come after us and not even a couple of bad asses like us can handle that. Just trust me I know what i am doing." I said.

"Okay i guess you're right." Chuck said defeated.

"Now it's time to continue my plan! Chuck i need you to get merchant sam he will be useful to us." I said.

"Okay i am on it." chuck said heading out.

I wish i could give my plan away to you but you are going have to wait. But i will give you a hint of what is going to happen. Here a rough draft of a poster i am going to leave in the school.

_Do you love sex! Do you love to sing. Do you love to sign songs about sex! Then..._

It's a work in progress! Go ahead and guess what is going to happen! Stay tuned!

**Jeremy POV**

I am about to drink my first beer!

**9000 beers later**

I feel amazing! I took all my clothes off. We are celebrating Jim getting fired for "causing" Odd's death. I then grabbed my penis and started waving it in the air.

"I am a fire truck!" I yelled.

Everyone started laughing and Sisi walked right up to me and started to take pictures.

"This is going on the front page! I am on fired." she said.

"I am on it." i said squirting Sisi

She started screaming while everyone else started to laugh harder!

"You liar." i said pouring gasoline on Sisi

I took my dad's old lighter and lit Sisi on fire.

"Now you're on fire." I said angrily to her.

Everyone else ran to get something to put the fire out. But they were too late! Sisi died!

"She died as a liar liar pants on fire." I said passing out.

**3 DAYS LATER = 4 HOURS LATER**

I awaken to find the principal in my face!

"You killed my daughter your ass is mine." He said trying to grab my throat!

Luckily i had a broken beer bottle from the night before! I smacked his fat head with it and he was out cold.

I then poured gasoline on him and lit him on fire as well.

"Jeremy!" yelled a voice

"Aelita!" i yelled back.

"Jeremy how could you! You have changed!" Aelita yelled crying.

She ran out of the room. Stupid bitch! I haven`t changed! In case she hasen't noticed i have been working my ass off to complete weapons for us to be able to fight Xana! I ran back to my room to finish the job when police officers caught me.

"You're under arrest son!" They said.

"NO!" I yelled

"You have the right to remain silent so shut your fucking mouth." They told me.

I grabbed one of the weapons and shot the officers in their testicles!

"You won't get away with this." They yelled after me.

I didn't know what to do! I guess i better hide at the factory and lead the team from there! Why did i have to kill Sisi and her Dad! Now it's going to be even harder to fight Xana. Damn it! I guess we will just have to deal with it.

**Chuck POV**

Using the return to the past i was able to go back to get merchant Sam! I found him at his shop about to close for the day.

"What another great day." He said.

I karate chop his head and he was out cold. I figured Xana would be able to explain everything to him better than i could. I took him back to Xana.

"Ah good. Now wake him up." Xana said

I woke him up.

"Welcome Merchant Sam! You are going to work for me! Now put this school uniform on!" Xana told Sam

"Eh... Okay." He said putting on the uniform.

"Good." said Xana.

I didn't know what is going to happen but i also can't wait to find out!

**Merchant Sam POV**

I don't know what is going on here! But i don't care! All i know is i have to pretend to be a student and join this group of kids and pretend to be on their side while i am actually working for Xana. I am supposed to be a spy and see how their training is going. I hope i get to go home soon. I entered the school the next day. I found the group testinbg their weapons on dildos and are actually managing to destroy them.

"We're almost done here Jeremy." I heard them say.

I ran towards them and grabbed a dildo like xana taugh me and ripped it in half. They were looking impressed.

"Dude you should join us." They said

"Okay." I said.

I helped them destroy the rest of the dildos and we celebrated victory at their base. I am still confused about what is going on but i know i have to deal with it if i am ever to return home.

**Xana POV**

My plan is going perfectly! Nothing can stop me now. Go ahead and try to guess my plan but you will never be able to. With Sam as a spy the rest of the team is as good as dead and as my trophies too. I walked to the dead body of Odd and began to polish it with Odd's blood. Soon your friends will join you Odd and there is nothing anyone can do to stop Me!

**Third Person POV**

Well...Hank is armed and the warriors have their weapons and i even managed to add dramatic irony to my story. Happy DetRoid434! Anyway With the fucking douchebag there should be no more phony updates! Sorry again and i will see you next ti-

"You can't keep me in here forever." Yelled the douchebag.

"Yeah yeah. Shut up!" I yelled putting a dictionary on the bible that magically got out of our asses and put it self together to keep my cookie monster and the douchbag trapped forever!

The Bible continued to shake around. Whatever anyway see you guys next time!

_***PUTS COKE ON NOSE SNIFFS… OH RIGHT WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW I GUESS… ER… SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND REMEMBER THE CODE IS SEX…WAIT AM I STILL SNIFFI-*PASSES OUT**_


	5. Chapter 4: Sex CONtest

_**Disclaimer: *sex moans*pissing sounds*puke movements…bah bah I don't own code lyoko moonscope does. I don't own sex either god does now then * pukes… Oh god where did I put that Justin Bieber wig I had it five minutes ago. Oh right I don't claim ownership for using the characters. Basically I don't own sex, or the characters but I do own the Justin bieber wig I lost. "Are we going to finish or not" "shut up ho I am writing a disclaimer" Now to the story. *holds penis "I am a fire truck"**_

**Third Person POV**

The bible continued to shake and shake.

"You are not going to escape." I said to the douchebag.

"Oh yes i will. you see i am you and you're out." said the douchebag

"What do you mean?" i asked

"I am the douchebag version or personality of you. As long as you are out i can escape." said the douchebag laughing.

"Oh shut up." I said.

Last time Jeremy killed Sisi and her father and is on the run from the police. Hank hill learned a new move. Merchant Sam joined the lyoko warriors as a spy for Xana. Xana even gave us a sneak peak for his plan. Now It's time to see that plan in action. But first let's check on Odd. Wait What!

**Odd POV**

I am in hell. I don't know why but I got sent here. What the fuck is going on here. I am not supposed to be in hell. I should be in heaven with the other perfect people like me. Damn it! What to do.

"Died at such a young age!" said a voice behind me

"Joe camel." I asked surprised.

"Correct mortal sprit." Said Joe.

"You are here for violation of some of the deadly sins. Greed, Pride, and secretly Envy with occasion wrath and sloth. Your soul is too damaged to be accepted into heaven at your current state. But I and many others feel if you would have lasted long you would have matured and could only end up in purgatory or maybe even heaven directly." Joe explained.

"Am I doomed for all of eternally." I said with a frown.

"I am afraid so." Said Joe.

"Why are you the one to tell me this." I asked.

"I am the one who could explained it to you best due to your evil sinful behavior. Well it's all to complex to explained anyway." said Joe.

"Well I should make the best of it. What is my punishment for all of eternity." I asked.

"Me teaching you all about the sins you have commited in exact detail." Joe said with a laugh. " But first I have business to attend to."

Joe left. Something tells me I am doomed forever. Maybe i'll be lucky and it will only be over 9000! Years. But I know I am wasting my time. I decided to explore maybe meet other people. I followed Joe to where he was going. He entered a small wooden cabin that was on fire. Never ending fire? I followed him and-

"Yes Selena let's do it. I have wanted this for a long time." Joe said.

"I dumped Justin Bieber for this you know." Said Selena Gomez.

I can't believe it. A camel is having sex with a Disney channel star. I think I am going to throw up. I can't write anymore. Sorry.

**Xana POV**

It's time for my next part of my epic plan. My sex **CON**test. If you don't get it than you are dumber than Joe camel's dead cousin Larry who pissed me off so much I ripped his over 9000! balls with my over 9000! uses screwdriver. Anyway the winner get's the best thing. Just wait and see. I turned on the T.V.

"Oh Joe you are so much better than Justin bieber."

"You know it babe."

"Come on dig in there."

"Let me put in the burn it will be smoking."

"I should make a song out of this."

That is where I got the idea for this phase of the plan! The prize sex with either Joe or Selena. But it's a trap for Ulrich. He will at least die doing something he'll enjoy. While Selena is keeping him busy. Chuck with Joe's help will take care of both of them. Why does both have to die. Not because I want to have sex with Selena without her knowing about me and reporting me. It's because I like the game. Yes that's it. Now Let's get on with the pla-

_Message to Xana. I have been accepted by the lyoko warriors and ready for the next phase. I am awaiting the posters for operation **CON**test. -End transmission._

Excellent Now I am even closer to the goal of ruling the world. Now On with my plan.

**Jeremy Pov. **

I still can't believe I murdered Sisi and her dad. I was a drunk fool. I hate being on the run from the law. I can command the operation from the factory but it won't be easy. We have a new member to the group. I only decided to have him joined because we needed to replace Odd. Any way I have been really angry lately. Aelita still won't talk to me. She thinks I did the murders on purpose. She better be lucky I don't kill her next. I can't kill her I lov-

"Jeremy!" Yelled a voice from the super computer.

"What do you want Xana." I asked full of rage.

"Just to tell you another one of you is as good as dead." Xana said with a laugh as he left.

I know he was serious but I don't care. You know what I am sick of this fucking shit. I am going to kill my self. I grabbed one of the weapons and aimed it for my head. I am going to do it. On the count of three. one, two, thre-

"Jeremy!" Yelled a voice.

Aelita was there and she was full of tears.

"Don't do it Jeremy." she cried.

"Fine." I yelled. "But I will do this."

I grabbed a weapon and shot her in the leg she was on the ground unconscious.

"You will be fine in three hours which is equal to two days I think." I said while leaving the factory.

Out side I met five poice officers. I grabbed a rockert launcher my biological pimp dad bought me when I was seven and blew their asses up.

"I am God. You can't hurt me." I yelled.

**Meanwhile (Joe Camel POV**

I sense a deal of great pride from Jeremy. Pride is the worst sin known to man. He will be in big trouble!

**Back to Jeremy Pov**

I had enough of Xana. I will Find him and kill him My self! I am going to do it alone. I will show him who's boss. I know what I am doing. Now get lost fuckers.

**Ulrich POV**

I was walking down the hall when I saw this sign.

_Do you love sex! Do you love to sing. Do you love to sign songs about sex! Then enter our sex contest and win the choice have having sex with either Joe camel or Selena Gomez._

_ Sincerely the fucking douchebag._

**Meanwhile(Third person three hours ago=two days ago)**

'I told you I would be able to escape." Said the douchebag. "Now Xana needs me."

Great he escaped. Er... end transmission.

**Back to Ulrich POV.**

I decided to enter the contest and win the chance for Sex. I want it. Yes I can't wait.

**5 hours later= 23 Light years later.**

I am at the sex contest and you won't believe it but the new kid is here too. He got to go first

**Merchant Sam song**

_Sex Sex Sex_

_The more I think about sex_

_The more I realize it's a hex_

_Some say the lucky numbere is six_

_But that is only when you should be fix_

_Sex Sex Sex_

_the real hex is sex_

_It can't be fix sex in a hex_

_Now give me six women for sex_

_I know I can't be fix_

_if all I know and love is sex_

_Sex Sex Sex_

_Enjoy Sex or die from it's hex_

_Do and you will get pie_

_Yeah Sex!_

Oh my the song was great. it's going to be hard to beat but I am sure I can do it.

**Ulrich's song (get ready for the major awesomeness)**

_My heart's in pieces on the floor_

_My ho just walked out the door._

_My pimp just called and said "You`re fired."_

_I guess my life's got some assembly required_

_I`ve been looking for dildos all over the place_

_but I can't seem to find any trace._

_Well_

_My heart's in pieces on the floor._

_My ho just walked out the door_

_my pimp called and said "you`re fired."_

_I guess my life's got some assembly required_

_some assembly required_

_yeah some assembly required._

I Hope I win.

"The winner is Ulrich."

Yes I did it. Now to have sex with Selena Gomez.

**Joe Camel's POV**

I am in the closet with Chuck Norris and it's almost time to strike against Ulrich and Selena. I better hurry I can't be late to Odd's first lesson in hell.

"Oh Selena."

*sex moans

Come on kid. You can do better than that. Anyway-

"Just two more minutes Joe. I am enjoying this." Chuck said to me.

"Fine. But if I am late again the devil said he would turn me into Alf." I said.

**Two minutes later= over 9000 beers**

We left the closet ready to strike. Chuck smacked Ulrich while I raped Selena one last time and lick her giant ass. But I did kill her in the end. Another Lyoko warrior has fallen. Xana is so going to win.

**Hank's Pov.**

I must continue training. I heard about those kids who lost their lives fighting Xana. I guess it's up to me. I will do it for them. But I am busy so this is all you are going to see of me for a while so yeah bye for now.

**Xana POV**

With a second trophy I am getting closer to gold. Soon they will all be dead and I will finally rule the world. Now I must prepare for the next phase. No hints til maybe later now if you excused me. I must get to polishing.

**Third person POV.**

Another lyoko warrior has fallen and Xana is getting even closer to ruling. All odds appear to be on Xana`s favor. Also Ulrich fans feel free to give me hate. I enjoy it and now because you Ulrich fans are so special enjoy an extra section where he get's raped by Joe Camel.

**Joe's love POV**

"Yes Ulrich yeah. I love this." I said.

"I hate this." Ulrich screamed.

I gave Ulrich a big kiss on the mouth.

"All new members must do this."

"But Odd didn`t"

"So you are better than him."

I grabbed his ass.

"Besides it`s yours and your fans punishment."

Enjoy Ulrich fans. HAha I am so evil!

_***PUTS COKE ON NOSE SNIFFS… OH RIGHT WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW I GUESS… ER… SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND REMEMBER THE CODE IS SEX…WAIT AM I STILL SNIFFI-*PASSES OUT**_


	6. Chapter 5: The Hell Life

_**"Disclaimer: *sex moans*pissing sounds*puke movements…bah bah I don't own code lyoko moonscope does. I don't own sex either god does now then * pukes… Oh god where did I put that Justin Bieber wig I had it five minutes ago. Oh right I don't claim ownership for using the characters. Basically I don't own sex, or the characters but I do own the Justin bieber wig I lost. "Are we going to finish or not" "shut up ho I am writing a disclaimer" Now to the story. *holds penis "I am a fire truck"**_

Welcome to the 5th chapter of code:sex. Things are going to be different in this chapter. Things are going to be written in third person for the whole entire chapter. Now before we get started. In the last chapter Odd was shown to be in hell and i hinted that Ulrich joined him by making the bad ass camel rape him. Ulrich got so fucking lucky. Anyway this is important to know because the whole chapter will just focus on Odd and Ulrich and their life in hell. Hank hill even appears meaning hades' underworld is connected to hell. Which explains why he knew they died while fighting Xana. Damn it where is that beer. If i am going to copy the text at the beginning like in star wars i am going to be drunk doing it. After fucking the number carrot and kissing the letter batman Joe...*Passes out.

**Welcome to hell**

With only seven deadly sins you would think it would be easy to escape from going to hell and end up in heaven. But you would be surprised. Hell holds many. Those you expect to be there *cough cough hilter *cough cough. Also those you least expect it. Joe camel for example. Why the Camel. Why not Michael Jackson or better yet Justin Bieber. Yes Jackson made it to heaven. That lucky bastard. Hell is 23 carrot sex seconds longer than the sun. Enjoy your stay you could be here for a while. where is my tekcaj (opposite of a jacket. Used in extremely hot weather to keep thing cool.) Great i lost my Bieber wig and now i even managed to lose my tekcaj. I know i will just piss on my jacket and hope it turns into a tekcaj. Well hell is the place for suffering. You will be punished for the worst of your sins.

**Joe's school for hell and sex**

I had to include sex since this story is called code sex people! Plus Joe is an expert. Wow just think a camel is an expert in sex. Anyway Joe teaches about surviving in hell an also the best sex moves to use.

"For our first lesson Odd and Ulrich. We will learn about the gays and what happens to them when they die." said Joe smiling.

Odd and Ulrich exchanged horrified looks.

"Gays are unique! They are almost instantly sent here. Being gay is almost as bad as the worst sin pride. Being gay is almost like a get out of heaven free card. Gays have always been the lord`s most horrible glitch. He didn`t mean for it to happen. But now The lord continues to regret that glitch to this day." explained Joe.

Odd raised his hand.

"Yes Odd." asked Joe.

"Why should I give a damn?" Odd asked.

Joe walked towards Odd smiling evilly. Joe pulled Odd's pants down and gave him that new clown rape move. Odd screamed in terror.

"Anymore questions Odd?" asked Joe laughing.

"Is there a way for gays to get out of this horrible situation?" Odd asked.

"Well... Great question." Joe said getting back to the front of the class.

Joe pulled out a big book with the title _hell's most powerful objects and porn._

"Ah... Yes. There we go. There is a powerful map hidden somewhere here in hell. It's the infi-map. The infi-map allows anyone to go anywhere in the entire universe. Even back to earth back and alive in your bodies. Or better yet into heaven cleared of all sins and happiness for all eternity. But the map is nearly impossible to find. Some believe it's hidden in Hades' castle on the other side of hell. Now back to our lesson on gays." Said Joe putting the book down.

Odd and Ulrich knew the only way back was to find that map and they knew they had to get back to help Jeremy and the gang. They couldn't pay attention to Joe for they were too busy thinking about that map and how they were going to find it.

**Odd's and Ulrich's Hell house**

The bell rang.

"End of lesson." said Joe.

Odd and Ulrich got up from their seats. Joe walked up to them and gave each of them a big kiss on the lips and raped them one last time.

"Come on I will show you where you live." said Joe laughing.

Odd and Ulrich followed Joe to a large Van.

"Here enjoy." said Joe leaving.

Odd and Ulrich entered and were surprised to find a large motel room in the large van. As they walked towards the table plates of pizza and meatballs appeared in front of them.

"Wow hell isn't that bad." said Odd and Ulrich.

"That's because religious punks. Blow the torture out of proportion." said a devil like voice.

Odd and Ulrich looked worried.

"Relax. I am the devil and I hell and see everything. Now enjoy your stay and eat up the food is getting cold. Well okay that is a lie but still hurry up and eat." said the devil as the voice was leaving.

Odd and Ulrich sat at the table and ate the pizza and meatballs were the best they ever had. Weird it just seems Hell isn't really that bad after all. Odd and Ulrich turned on the TV and saw Bernie mac doing a live show.

"Am I disappointed for not getting into heaven. At first I was but now I realized Hell isn't that bad of a place." said Bernie.

"Well if Bernie mac likes it. then it must be good after all." said Odd.

"Now for this map. We can use it to get back and help Jeremy and the gang." Ulrich said.

"Yeah and everything will be back to normal." Odd said.

Odd and Ulrich cleared their plates and began developing a strategy. They supposed to look in hades' castle first. It will be a long jouney. But the longer the better. Well no because that is more work for me. Also I don't get paid per word in fact not at all. But I do it for the fun right and to gross others out. So you have to have the good with the bad right.

**Hell Lake**

Odd and Ulrich left their van and began to walked near the hell river. A river made of fire. ON their path down by the river they met Hank Hill.

"Ah you must be the boys who died at the hands of Xana." said Hank

"You know Xana?" said Odd and Ulrich with surprised looks

"Yes I have been hired by hades to stop him." said Hank Hill.

"I am here to help you any way I can." said hank.

"Well we are looking for this map to get back to earth." said Odd and Ulrich

"Ah yes Hades told me about it. Here I will help you get it. Follow me to hades' castle." said Hank hill.

**Hades' castle.**

Hank opened the door and led the boys to hades' chamber. There were five doors. Hank walked up to a sign on the wall next to the doors.

_number of letters in hell plus number of deadly sins plus number of chambers in hell is your first clue._

Hank odd and Ulrich looked at the doors and saw there were numbers. The first door has 8008. The second 1234. the third sex is good. The fourth 479. The last devil is cool.

"Let's see door five." said hank hill moving towards the fifth.

"correct in hell the answer is 90% of the time is devil is cool. The only time it's not is if it's not one of the choices." said the devil.

Odd Ulrich and Hank moved forward. In the second room there were rock barriers.

"Leave it to me." said hank and he punched the walls and they exploded. They found five keys in the barriers. Each a different shape. A square, circle, star, a heart, and a dick.

"Use the devil sex key to move forward."

"Wait! Joe taught us that. it's a dick." said Ulrich picking up the dick shape key and using it to open the door..

"correct!"

They entered the door room to find a giant snake.

"You have to fight me and win to pass." said the snake.

"Leave it to me boys." said hank hill.

Hank Hill ran at the snake and punched his big fat head the snake was knocked back a few feet and began to strike. The snake tried to bite Hank and infect him with vemon. But Hank managed to get out of the way and the snake hit a hard rock wall.

"Damn it. Not I am mad bitch." Yelled the snake in agony.

Hank grabbed the snake by the tail and began to swing it at a large lava pit that magically appeared out of nowhere Hank tossed the snake into the lava pit.

"You will pay for this." said the snake in extreme Agony.

This snake began firing venom blasts from his mouth. Hank Managed to block it with his punches. Hank managed to grab some venom and throw it back at the snake.

"No! My one weakness." Yelled the snake dying.

"We win." Yelled Hank.

Odd, Ulrich, and Hank left the snake to die and moved on. They found the map in the center of the room. But before they could approached hank was knocked unconscious.

"Good job boys but now your road ends here." Said Joe.

Joe pushed Odd and Ulrich Out of the way and grabbed the map.

"I knew you boys were be able to find the map. So I followed and used you to get past the traps and puzzles. Now with this map I will be free for good and I will be able to help Xana completely. And with this map he will be unstoppable. I will be glad to tell him you boys helped led to ultimate power." said Joe laughing.

Joe walked to Odd and Ulrich.

" i am taking you boys home. The devil will find a good replacement for a teacher. I have to help Xana. No worries the rest of your friends will join you later." Joe said laughing.

Joe pulled out a cigarette and lit it. He hit Odd and Ulrich with it knocking them out. He then dragged them home. He grabbed the map and opened it.

"To Xana." Joe said.

A bright blue aura appeared around Joe and he was gone. Odd and Ulrich woke with a shocked face.

"Now what are we going to do." asked Odd.

"I don't know i guess we're stuck."

"Look Joe left his book."

Odd lifted the book and found a page book marked.

_The infi-map is one of the three most powerful pimp items created by the devil himself. The map allows anyone to travel anywhere even back to life in their own bodies. The shades of immortality makes the pimp immortal and invincible. The pimp hat of charm allows the pimp to mind control anyone. Together the tree items will allow anyone to be the ultimate pimp and rule the world._

_"We have to find a way to stop him." Odd and Ulrich said._

_"Turn to page over 9000!"_

_Odd turned to page over 9000!_

_The devil can bring anyone who has done something unbelievable like find the infi-map back to life. If they find him and survive their challenges._

_"Well boys what do you say."_

_"Okay we'll do it." Odd and Ulrich said._

_"Good. first challenge is to find my kingdom. Good luck!"_

_Odd and Ulrich didn't now what lies ahead but they knew they are going have to try their best. Well was that a fun chapter. It adds a new mini story line i guess you could say. As for chapter six, there is a poll on my profile. Pick two things you would love to see in the next chapter and i will reveal the results in the next chapter. Have a fucking day._

_*** PUTS COKE ON NOSE SNIFFS… OH RIGHT WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW I GUESS… ER… SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND REMEMBER THE CODE IS SEX…WAIT AM I STILL SNIFFI-*PASSES OUT**_


	7. Chapter 6: The end

**Disclaimer:**_** *sex moans*pissing sounds*puke movements…bah bah I don't own code lyoko moonscope does. I don't own sex either god does now then * pukes… Oh god where did I put that Justin Bieber wig I had it five minutes ago. Oh right I don't claim ownership for using the characters. Basically I don't own sex, or the characters but I do own the Justin bieber wig I lost. "Are we going to finish or not" "shut up ho I am writing a disclaimer" Now to the story. *holds penis "I am a fire truck"**_

Now I am known as the fucking dick sucker and now you must all suck my giant fucking dick. Hello everyone! since I loved the style of the last chapter I am going to stay in third person for this chapter too. Now Let's see ummm. Yeah I got nothing so yeah bye. *grabs a beer piss in it. Yeah oh right the chapter well let's see hank hill.

**Hades' Castle**

Hank Hill awaken.

"What the hell happened. I got my ass knocked out."

'Joe has the infi-map and will give it to Xana. We must stop him from getting the rest of the pimp items." said hades walking up to Hank

"Leave it to me." said Hank Hill.

Hank Hill got up and pulled out a giant propane tank. He lit it and threw it on the floor the propane tank caught on fire and a bright blue flame pooped out of it.

"To my house" said Hank quickly.

The flame went all around him blocking his view of Hades' castle. The blue flame turned to white, then to green and finally stopping at red. The flame disappeared.

**Hank's House**

"America! Remember the good old days when punishment was tough but fair. Now it's all timeout or 'don't do it' God America! Things have changed and it makes me think why it happened. You see Bernie mac ain't no pussy and Bernie mac and no fool. He knows. Hell Big Mama taught me everything she knows and god America it really-"

"Oh Hank you're home" said Peggy turning the tv off.

"Turn it back on peggy. They finally brought Bernie Mac back to life and gave him a new show and I don't want to miss it." Hank said reaching for the remote.

"Hank we have more important things to talk about." said peggy crying.

"Shut up bitch I am busy" said Hank turning on the tv.

"Baby girl how many times have I told you no wearing whore make up in my house."

"Uncle Bernie it's my birthday and you can suck my ass"

"Damn it girl hold still"

"Yes Bernie. Show that girl who's boss." said hank laughing at the tv.

"Hank I want a divorce." Peggy said angrilly

"What!" Yelled Hank in anger.

" You are not the same anymore." said Peggy.

" Fuck you bitch." yelled hank in complete anger.

"You see. you are the next Bernie mac."

"Why thanks honey." said hank smiling.

"It's a bad thing." said peggy seriously

"No it's not" Yelled hank with his anger returning.

" it's me or you goal." Peggy said.

" Peggy you stupid jealous bitch. I pick the goal because you are acting like a total fucking bitch. I am going to change a world and when I do you won't be a part of it." Hank yelled in supreme anger.

"Hank! I can't believe this! I thought I would be able to help you but clearly I can't. I don't know what else to do. I quit." said peggy with her anger rising.

"Let's settle this in court." yelled hank angrily.

"Fine!" yelled peggy in complete anger.

**Random Street**

"How much for this semi-auto." asked Jeremy

"Over 99 dollars!" said the clerk

"You ruined the joke" said Jeremy handing the clerk the money.

"Who the fuck cares!" said the clerk.

Jeremy took the semi-auto and walked to the nearest gas station.

"Give me the money and the hot ladies." Jeremy said thinking of boobs.

"You are on clear myth kid." said the clerk handing Jeremy the money.

"Fuck you buddy. I am trying to save the world here. Just shut your fucking mouth." Jeremy said with anger.

Jeremy left the store only to die from a massive heart attack! He died with out revealing his love for aelita and now he will never score with her. With the brains out of the way xana was able to steal the rest of the pimp items and become unstoppable. Joe camel kidnapped Odd and Ulrich before they got to Satan. But Satan was in fact working for Xana and was laying this trap for Joe to trapped them. Aelita and Yumi tried to fight back back was powerless against Chuck Norris and joe. Aelita was captured but Hank hill met up with Xana and they fought like men. Xana pissed in hank's mouth knocking him out and Xana used the power of all three pimp items to kill hank hill once and for all. Hank died after a horrible feeling due to his divorce from Peggy. This may have caused his defeat that and maybe because hank got so angry he killed peggy and regretted it very much. With the competition out of the way Xana was able to rape aelita in the hot tub andbecome the ultimate ruler of earth and lyoko and your dick.

"Hahahahaha! Finally I win!" yelled Xana.

I know I rushed it but I got bored. so who cares. Besides I couldn't wait for Xana to win. Please send hate to me the fucking dick sucker and I will be glad to suck your fucking dicks too. Have a fucking dick sucking day!

_***PUTS COKE ON NOSE SNIFFS… OH RIGHT WELL THAT'S IT FOR NOW I GUESS… ER… SEE YOU NEXT TIME AND REMEMBER THE CODE IS SEX…WAIT AM I STILL SNIFFI-*PASSES OUT**_


End file.
